Dangling modifiers: out and about
I treated myself to a ‘seaside break’ this week and on my way to the coast passed a sign saying: “ Police slow”. I wondered if that was wishful thinking or if perhaps the police are slower when you get out in the sticks. Perhaps the police were being asked to slow down at this particular junction.
It was later as I sat on the shingle sheltering from the drizzle that I realised that most people wouldn’t have noticed how the lack of punctuation had made the sign ambiguous. How I laughed to myself – undeterred by the scornful looks of the dog-walkers passing by.
Then I imagined that there might be a policeman somewhere who might slow down in error after seeing the “Police slow” sign. I was still thinking about it as I sat down to eat at a nearby café and picked up the menu. Please believe me when I tell you what was written under the ‘beef-burger and French fries’ subheading.
“Wrapped in our delicious sesame seed bun, you’ll enjoy this burger made from freshly ground beef and herbs.”
This is surely one of the most sinister dangling modifiers I’ve yet come across. Except, that is, for:
“Voluntary Accidental Death and Dismemberment Plan.”
It was only later in the day when I was looking through the vacancies section of the local paper that I saw a job advert for Contaminated Land Officer.
And as I got to the bottom of my chips saw this Daily Mail headline, which might – or then again might not – explain why the police are so slow:
“Police forced to fill out 50 forms for a playground fight”
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