Jan 22 2010

Chinese English: English Chinese

Reading about “high level round table talks” this week left me feeling a touch vertiginous. I began to worry about spinning out of control. The words took on a life of their own, reinventing themselves in my mind. I started to think it was I who coined the natty little word ‘co2ts’. Trouble was I just couldn’t remember how to pronounce it. So I turned to Google.

Where would we be without Google? Answer: China. › Continue reading


Oct 15 2009

Pronouns and bad analogies

Sometimes I think isolation is a good thing and only adds to the quality of an editorial life. At other times – surrounded by words and expressions I don’t understand and yearning for a sentence in concise, plain English – I feel lonely. So imagine my delight this week when someone dangled some bad writing at the Dangling Modifier.
› Continue reading


Apr 17 2009

Automated variation

I went on a course this week – ‘Effective copywriting’ – all part of my plan to transform myself from grubby B2B sub to highly-paid marketing professional. It was a pretty good course and I think I may have picked up some useful tricks about lateral thinking. But, the tutor would insist that we should avoid using the same word twice. He called this ‘elegant variation’. › Continue reading


Dec 5 2008

Out of my league

Of course I never trusted them after the window incident, but that is just a personal thing, and I hope I’m big enough not to let my personal experiences affect my judgement irrationally.

It’s just that I can’t square it. Either they were wrong, in which case they shouldn’t be teachers. Or they lied, in which case they shouldn’t be entrusted with the welfare of the little children.

There was the stuff about splitting infinitives and their irrational hatred for the word ‘got’. But then they had to tie us in knots with their insistence that writing is boring if you use the same word twice in a sentence.

“Think of a different word to make it more interesting.”

That’s what they said. Of course I never believed them (although I don’t like to boast). Why do people give teachers so much credit for knowing things?

Successive captains of the Starship Enterprise continue to split their infinitives. Surely that’s enough to make people question the wisdom of those who told us not to?

But no, people insist on looking for a different word to “make the sentence more interesting”. And the worst culprits are journalists – sports journalists, and especially in broadcast.

If only they would read this blog and believe me when I say:

“There is no shame in repeating the name of a football team. Why must you call them ‘the visitors’ or worst still, ‘the tourists’?”

They are not tourists, they are paid professionals and they have come to play football not to see the sights. And they are not visiting, not for long. As soon as the match is over they get back on the bus and go home.

Sports come on the radio during the news. They wait until I am running towards the cooker, busy with a pan of over-boiling milk. Or I might be watching television, and just as I step away to make a cup of tea the sports correspondent starts gushing about visitors and tourists in that over excited way they have.

I suspect they have joined the conspirators, the ones who laugh at editors everywhere. I can’t listen any more. I have turned off the radio, unplugged the television.

I sit alone in the dark wondering about the UN. Dare I look for news online? I need to know whether the conspiracy has reached the highest level of international governance. I know they are holding climate talks, so here it is…

The future of our planet is riddled with abbreviations and acronyms.


Oct 20 2008

How our teachers got it wrong

Like most people, I was an impressionable child. And like most people, I believed what my teachers told me.

We’ve all been there, although some of us have probably tried harder to bury the memories. But I’m sure we all remember fighting off sleep in over-heated classrooms, the heating on in summer, the sour milk at break, the windows painted with flowers.

I should have known the teachers were not to be trusted, the way they painted windows with such wild abandon. They said it was all right as long as you used poster paint.

And then they told me to avoid the word got. They said it was an ugly word.

“Listen to it!”

They kept repeating it, exaggerating the guttural sound of got.

Decades later and I know perfectly reasonable, sane people, who are still have issues with the word got. Some of them even work as writers and editors. They argue with me, but I argue back.

“How would the Dutch cope,” I ask them, “if they were taught that guttural words sounded ugly?”

But people don’t listen. They carry on retaining, obtaining, gaining, purveying, earning, garnering, receiving, even mining and harvesting, but never really getting the point.

These people – wonderful people who I respect in so many ways – seem to have been tainted, even ruined by their attentiveness at primary school.

And now some of them work in education. Completing the circle, they tell our children that the word got is ugly. They will go to any length to avoid it, even when trying to aide the involvement of parents in the wellbeing of their children. (They are still too damaged to simply get parents involved.)

I don’t know why I’m different. May be I was just one of the lucky ones – I sat by the radiator and couldn’t stay awake.

And I have my mother to thank even if the lesson was hard to learn. Painting on the sitting room windows may have got me into big trouble, but it taught me to question those teachers.