The trough of recession
Along with worrying about the price of fags and booze, obviously one major concern for all of us on budget day last week was how to protect the UK’s long-term competitiveness. And who better to convey that concern than the management consultant ‘industry’?
Fortunately, the MCA (Management Consultants’ Association) are publishing not one, but a whole series of reports on ‘Dealing with the Downturn’. So, with some pundits predicting that we’re going to be in this mess until 2017, it’s comforting to know that someone is calling for “a crusade from the top … in the trough of the recession.”
This mixed metaphor actually means tax breaks for big business. But to really appreciate the MCA’s literary skill you have to download the full report. Only then can you enjoy nuggets like:
“Caught in economic winter, organisations hibernate.”
And timeless truths such as:
“Innovation has often been a quasi-clandestine activity.”
The gist of this report is that in a recession companies are reluctant to fund research and development so therefore the Government should give them tax breaks. But why say that when you can write about “industry drivers” and “internal barriers”?
You have to admire the way management consultants continue to believe they have something important to contribute, even while they admit that people have become “change weary”.
And may be we do need them to point out that organisations should “understand exactly what they’re trying to achieve”. Who else would emphasise more keenly how ‘key’ this is?
After all, nothing will make your business or public sector writing sound more important than if you describe something as ‘key’. Management consultants know this. They would probably describe themselves as ‘key’ – especially if they were offered the chance to jump in the first available spaceship to flea a dying planet with the hairdressers and marketing people.
If only! For the moment it looks like we’ll have to put up with their banal poetry at least until 2017 as they advise us how to ‘incentivise’ our way out of recession.
They, and many others, will continue to write their appalling work-related literature – the sort of rubbish that none of us would read if we didn’t have to – the hideous prose that editorial staff everywhere have to try to improve, only to be told we’re dumbing down complex ‘key’ messages. It’s unbearable.
If you are suffering – as I do – the daily torture of having to read or edit B2B copy, then please feel free to share the agony by sending examples to: dangleIt@thedanglingmodifier.com.
This email address is not case sensitive, you could DANGLEit@thedanglingmodifier.com or DangleIt@the danglingmodifier.com. But whichever way you dangleIt, you’ll feel better if you do.
