Comparative conspiracies
Some of you may be wondering why I haven’t written about the conspiracy recently – that is the one to make a mockery of editors everywhere, to turn language into meaningless noise, to pollute our every moment with confusing messages and meaningless drivel, to litter our lives with the pointless delusion that we exist for a purpose, when in fact we are all drones serving the smug and swanky who think they’ve got the better of us in some way or other.
Well, may be you’re right to wonder about this? After all, if you clicked ‘continue reading’ then you have just read an 81-word sentence. [Ha!] And I have been filling these blogs with long sentences for weeks now – and you read them, didn’t you? Well, at least some of you did read them – I know you did because I get stats.
If you’re wondering whether I have turned, please be reassured. I shall always put the language before the clients who pay my wage. But I may use the language, and the clients who pay my wage, to beat the conspirators who laugh at editors everywhere.
I am going to start my own counter-conspiracy by introducing new words, expressions and grammatical constructions to the language to see how long it takes before they catch on. I am going to use social media to get my message out – starting with this blog.
I know that some may object. Some will accuse me of being no better than my enemies. Others will warn me against fighting for what might be a Pyrrhic victory.
But language is constantly evolving and common consensus decides what stays and what goes. In Plain Words, Ernest Gower rails against ‘disincentive’ and ‘disinflation’, ‘diseconomy’ and ‘dissaving’. But where are they now? If my active intervention in the evolution of English is disfavoured (forgive me for that) then common consensus will obliterate it.
I am going to start with what I call the comparative adverb, for example: “happily, happierly and happiestly”.
I am sure this will become particularly popular among politicians and management consultants because they are constantly seeking to be better able to better upset editorial staff.
This week I have been dropping the comparative adverb ‘healthierly’ into some rather dull copy on healthy eating. No one so far has noticed – which goes to show that no one really reads B2B websites and publications.
I am excited about the comparative adverb – there are lots of possibilities here. And I have no doubt that given the way the public sector works – the appalling standard of English used and the general herd mentality – the expression ‘eating healthierly’ will soon catch on.
Please add comparative adverbs to the content you edit. You can do this easierly than you think. And if you have ideas for other language developments you’d like to promote, please dangle them at me using the email facility in the right hand navigation.
