thedanglingmodifier.co.uk

This week I bought a jacket – some outdoor wear so that I can make the most of the glorious British summer without catching cold. I read the label of course, and marvelled at the quality of the copywriting without actually understanding the words. It wasn’t really written in plain English – it was more about concepts – but it certainly reassured me that I’d got value for money.
For a start, I discovered that the Nova (that’s my new jacket) is:

“…a versatile mid layer jacket featuring full interactive system with a strong contemporary look, …”

Yes, it’s a dangling modifier. Obviously I assumed that the “full interactive system” was the owner of the “strong contemporary look”, because the jacket was nothing special – at least to look at, that is. Then I read on:

“…designed to meet the needs of the keen outdoor user”.

Modifiers dangling all over the place but that, I assume, is the joy of copywriting – abandoning oneself to the “creative” side of editorial work, not having to care about boring things like syntax or making sense.

For a moment I lost myself in a fantasy where I was a copywriter, and then those last three words caught my eye: “keen outdoor user”. Perhaps  this jacket wasn’t for me after all.

But then again, you know you’ve bought quality when the label is more like a small book than a label. I turned a page and was immediately reassured by the two large-print words: “comfort checked”.

“Comfort checked clothing has been designed to keep you warm and fully protected against the wind.”

That’s good to know. But as I have an enquiring mind, I couldn’t help but wonder why my mid layer jacket had been described as “versatile”. I mean, what else can it do apart from being a jacket? Does it convert into a tent, for example? Or a nice sleeping bag? I decided to explore the full interactive system for clues.

But the list of eight features on the last page of the label was a little disappointing. I mean, a “snug fit collar” is all very well, ditto the “low bulk stretch binding cuffs” and “cosy micro fleece contrast on inner collar”.

But the interactive bit turned out to be:

“Interactive full length zip at front with link in anchor points at sleeve and collar”.

For a second I wondered how a zip could be interactive before realising that it could hardly not be. I mean, presumably the copywriter means that you have to zip up the zip manually? Presumably he or she chose the word “interactive” because it sounds more glamorous than the truth. Let’s face it – “manual” sounds like a lot of work.

And funnily enough, “sounds like a lot of work” was exactly the phrase that came to mind when I decided to try and work out what this means:

“Retained elasticated drawcord with pocket cord lock system at hem”.