Civil service metaphors
In government there are a few favourite metaphors that make little sense and I hate them. I suspect that the civil service uses them as much as possible, peppering them through pages of bureaucratic language, nominalisations and passive moods. And they do this deliberately. It’s all part of the plot against editorial staff.
Think about it for a second. Journalists are not known for their patience. They are far less likely to scrutinise documents for the truth about what our rulers are doing, if those documents are as indecipherable as this:
“Government structures can mitigate against scoping contract specifications which are fully integrated around the public realm focus and therefore contradict strategic commissioning.”
But every so often – as if the author is railing against the bureaucratic confines of his workplace and dreams of escaping his dull and dusty lot in life – one of them will come out with an obscure and badly placed metaphor. Something like stepping up to the plate, for example.
It’s as if they think this sort of thing makes their writing more interesting. But who steps up to a plate? Thumbelina?
I complained about this expression recently and was told it comes from baseball, as if that explained everything. But how many people in Britain are familiar with baseball terms? Hardly anyone plays it here.
And apparently it means coming forward to do something or take up some opportunity. So why it appeals to civil servants is a mystery to me.
You can tell by their language that civil servants are reluctant to commit themselves to anything. They aim to do things, seek to do things, or look to do things. But whatever it is they’re aiming, seeking or looking to do, never does anything directly. They produce documents, initiatives and ‘toolkits’ that are designed to do things, or aimed at doing things, or designed to investigate the possibility of doing things.
Of course, Thumbelina is probably fleet of foot. But civil servants aren’t. This is another ridiculous expression to describe any group of people in government. Everyone knows the population and the workforce are aging. And civil servants know better than anyone that the people of this country are anything but fleet of foot because they write all those reports about how fat we all are these days.
Finally, we come to reinventing the wheel. I really cannot imagine how many times I’ve deleted these words . Much though I’m loath to admit it, at least this metaphor actually means something. But why is it that civil servants talk about not wanting to reinvent the wheel and yet can’t apply the same principle to the way they use language?
