thedanglingmodifier.co.uk

I have been reading more about the property developer’s plans to build near my house. I found the details from “within the Application Quick Search box” on my local council’s website.

I have trawled through the documents that the council invited me to comment on. I have looked at all the plans, the mock-ups, studied the transport statements and ‘proposed elevations’.

The developers say they are going to protect the local bats. They have issued what they call a ‘Sustainability Statement’. It uses a lot of initial caps, for example “Proposed Development” and “Planning Application”. I don’t think the developers employ any subeditors. And even though I think this is an important issue, I suspect my local council won’t agree.

So I’m trying to ignore the misuse of capital letters. It’s not easy. I don’t think anyone understands unless they’ve spent days, weeks and years, weeding these sorts of things out and correcting them. These people don’t know the pain they cause. It’s like throwing a ball for a dog and then choking it on its lead when it runs to fetch.

Or may they do. May be they’re laughing.

But I’m determined to ignore all that, because I want to read the ‘Sustainability Statement’. I want to know how ‘sustainable’ the development is going to be, so I read on. It’s an interesting statement, with lots of background information on policy. It turns out that:

“The Rio Earth Summit saw the culmination of increasing global environmental and sustainability concern in the development of a number of multilateral outputs.”

I read the rest of the page on policy – international, European, national and local. I understand the other bits, the rest of the page is clear. It’s only the paragraph about international policy that is unnerving.

Could it be that those others, the conspirators, have infiltrated the very highest circles of international cooperation?

I have to grip the table as implications of this wash over me. This is not just about laughing at editorial staff. This is about something much, much bigger. How typical of me not to see the bigger picture before now, but then of course I woudn’t, would I? I’m the sort of person who checks spelling. No wonder I didn’t see it before now.

But if I’m right about this… if those others – the conspirators – infiltrated the Rio Earth Summit in 1992, what other international organisations have they got their evil talons into? How many other languages are they mucking up?

They are going to build near my house. When I say ‘they’ of course, I don’t necessarily mean the conspirators, the ones who laugh at editorial staff.

No, this is a whole other ‘they’ – a property developer. So much for the recession. I keep hearing on the radio how badly property developers and the building trade have been hit. Well not round my gaff, they haven’t.

The local council sent me a letter inviting me to comment. It used initial capitals with wild abandon, telling me to:

“Enter the Application Number within the Application Quick Search box and select ‘Search’.”

For a moment I thought I was reading German, but then I realised that I recognised the words and none of them were ‘Achtung’ ‘Nein’ or ‘Delphine’ – the only German words I know.

It was the number of capitals that confused me.

And then the way they said ‘within’ like that… Did they expect me to get inside the Application Quick Search box and enter the application number? I decided to find out and quickly typed in the web address.

As I waited for the webpage to appear, I read more of the letter.

“From within the application details you will also be given a quick way of making representations on the application and sending them directly to us.”

Within the application details? Perhaps I would be able to get into the Quick Search box after all. And if so, no wonder it had initial caps. It was a place name, the name of a wonderland in cyberspace. I assumed that this was technology moving on without me – the technological imperative, I thought – until I looked at the page and realised my mistake. It was just an ordinary online form.